I've been asking that since I started last month .... And I think I have finally come up with the perfect reason. A little background before I get to the answer....
I lost my dad when I was 19, and missed the opportunity to know him as an adult .. As a man....
I had just completed my first year of college ..was working in my chosen field, in a summer job that likely would have set me up quite nicely. I came home that Friday night from work ... Elated as this was my first weekend off in 7. Pretty big deal to an 19 year old. I was taking off my uniform (a real one, not the Tims variety) when the call came from the living room ....
Mike ... Your Dads not feeling well can you take him in to the hospital ???
I should have known when he told me not to drive too fast .... I had no idea that he was in the final hours of life on this fair planet.
...he was only 45.
I still didn't get it when the doctor decided to send him to the Civic.... I was more concerned with letting everyone know ...
He knew ... Wanna know how I know he knew ?? Well the doctors told me, but looking back .. I should have seen that too . It was all over the look on his face as they loaded in into the ambulance ...
That look ... Still haunts me to this day
I didn't say anything ... Not so much as a cursory goodbye. I didn't know. I thought we would get to Ottawa and all would be well....
Didn't turn out that way ... He died in that ambulance.
I didn't get a chance to know the man ... And it hurts still ... Tears in my eye as I write ... Almost 20 years later.
Back to the topic .... Why am I here ??? Like 99.5 % of my life (minus only the occasional pint) ... I suppose it's for my kids... And thiers ... And thiers..... Because I'm into genealogy, I think this would be cool .... Wouldn't a blog from your 4th great-grandfather be great ??
I want my kids to know who the man was .... Really look into my brain. By seeing what I cared about on a given day ...What grabbed my attention ... What I saw ... What happened.
I can't think of a better reason....
So there it is.... 100 and counting
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2 comments:
Hey Mike,
I was reading you blog "why am I here".... I remeber all of that like it was yesterday. It changed your life and sent you in a new direction. You have it right by sharing what you can with you girls.
I too remeber my fathers passing, he was sick with leukemia so it was like a walking death sentence. I remeber 3 years ago in May seeing how sick he looking over the long weekend, hoping he would still get better. I was able to talk with him that day and looked to come up 2 weeks later...... the phone call came 3 days later at work the call I did not want to get Lisa telling it is time, I called my mother in disbielf and she too said if you want to say goodbye you better come now. I made it to brockville 4 hours later and was able to say goodbye it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.....
Kevin
Thank you for this heartfelt post. I saw that Clive from the Doggerel Party also posted a similar one after reading yours.
The recurring theme is the passing of a father too early. Mine died suddenly when I was an adult, but the pain is still there, because I too didn't get a chance to say goodbye. It shows me that fathers are important, in spite of what all the social engineers say today.
But these life experiences form us, and give us perspective.
Glad you're blogging.
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